Daily Stewart 2011

Daily Stewart lopo

03/07'11 Del Monte single-serve bananas are for people who love bananas but hate their biodegradability.
03/21'11 "Japan is just disintegrating into the sea whilst simultaneously poisoning it. Knut, the polar bear – dead."

Where is the hard-hitting investigative journalism?

03/17'09 "Jon Stewart is doing what the 'real' news media should be doing: he is investigating and attempting to hold people accountable for what they say and do. Whereas, the 'real' news media is pussyfooting around and 'reporting' whatever they are being spoon-fed from others.
What I have a problem with is that Jon Stewart has to be the one to investigate people like Cramer.
Where is the New York Times? Where is the hard-hitting investigative journalism?
Jon Stewart does not need to adjust how his message is conveyed. He is exemplifying the art of satire." (Sarah)

03/22'11 Donald Trump for President 2012: "You're fired, America!"
03/22'11 "See, I do feel like one of the problems we're having with you, Mr. President, is a communications gap. Here in America, we've become accustomed to what's known as 'the run-up to war'.
The certain amount of time where the President and his emissaries make a case for military action or whatever euphemism they've come up with: freedom-seeding, democracy-showering ... And then the President's adversaries make their case for why military intervention's a terrible idea, usually in direct opposition to whatever arguments they were making when their party had the Presidency, and they got to invade stuff.
Then we the people have a couple of marches, ribbon colors are chosen, and then about 6 or 9 months later, you get to blow the shit out of whatever it was you wanted to blow the shit out of."

03/24'11 Family Matters: "Son of a bitch! What kind of parent company are you?!"


03/28'11 A mightily pissed off Jon: I give up!

I stand corrected. That is a corporate tax rate of, hold on, $3.2 billion ... negative 60%!
You know, the latest data we have from 2005 says that about two-thirds of United States controlled corporations paid no corporate income tax on a combined profit of, let's say, a googa-trillion.
But wait. We've been told the only reason corporations aren't creating more jobs here is the punitive corporate tax rate, fueled by our workers' demands for a "Western" standard of living. But apparently, even with their negative 60% tax rate, General Electrics has cut a fifth of its American jobs in the last nine years, while boosting jobs overseas. You know, I know the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are people but what I didn't realize is that those people are assholes. Fortunately, our top man is on the case.

Barry Soetoro on 05/04'09: "We will stop letting American companies that create job overseas take deductions on their expenses when they do not pay any American taxes on their profits."

Jon) Hee-ah, hee-ah! The people have a champion! And he's gonna be hoping ass and taking change! GE CEO Jeff Immelt is about to find out why we elected this anti-business socialist Marxist Kenyan warrior!

Barry 01/21'11: "Jeff Immelt, he understands what it takes for America to compete in the global economy. [...] And I am so proud and pleased that Jeff has agreed to chair this panel, my counsel on jobs and competitiveness, 'cause we think GE has something to teach businesses all across America."

Jon) Yeah! You ripped Immelt a new ... wait, chairmanship? I ... give up!
What's GE going to teach businesses all across America, to bolster their tax department with former officials from the Treasury and the IRS and all relevant committees, and make it 975 people?
Who says they're not creating jobs?
Of course, GE still has some workers in America, like NBC Nightly News.
And the night this story broke, they were probably all over it like ... (listens to earpiece) Nothing? They didn't report at all that GE had ... no? Well, to be fair, Libya, Japanese radiation, there's an awful lot going on in the world, and I imagine their Friday night newscast was chock full of the type of urgent news that would preclude a more esoteric financial story.

03/29'11 "Initially we all thought we went in because the Libyans asked for our help by flipping on the hope signal."
George Bush I.) Freedom is like a beautiful kite that can go higher and higher with the breeze.
Define and conquer ("kinetic military action")

03/30'11 Try being a better person – Hodgman: "He's got to own those mistakes if he wants my support."


03/31'11

"See, I did not know that. See, to me, it seemed that Fox was a relentless agenda-driven 24-hour news-pinion propaganda delivery system, covered with the thinnest possible patina of objectivity that would allow them to claim a mantle of totally undeserved legitimacy. But I was wrong. And he told me that, and now I know ... [...]
I'm sure Bill Sammon, a captain of the hard, objective news operation at Fox isn't going to go on his own news channel and stoke the wild flames of partisan hysteria. [...] OK, first of all, complaining about socialism while wearing a tuxedo? [...] But Bill Sammon, how can you justify that type of mischief? [...] He's brilliant. But he's an opinion columnist, he doesn't have to be consistent. [...] Oh my God, my friend Bret Baier! This guy Bill Sammon is still his boss! Bret Baier has no idea he's actually been working for an opinion guy all along! There is no line!"

Stewart: "What would you blow up first?"
Norm Macdonald: "That stupid high school I went to."


04/04'11 "Whenever these monster corporations fail, their executives always seem to find a way to justify their giant bonuses. So what are Transocean's executives patting themselves on the back for this year? 'It calls 2010, quote, the best year in safety performance in the company's history. The company bases that apparently on what it describes as its exemplary statistical safety record as measured by our total recordable incident rate.'
You know that's just fucking crazy. That's just crazy. You gave yourselves a safety bonus because statistically the Deep Water Horizon explosion, killing 11 people, pumping 200 million gallons of oil into the Gulf Coast, counts the same as Bob cut his hand on a bolt: It's just one incident."

04/06'11 Vagistan, Shegypt, Libya Majora and the slut squad

04/07'11 Jon celebrating the departure of Glenn Beck

04/25'11 "It happens every day. See, President Giuliani figured if everything changed after 9/11, things will never change if it's all always 9/11. That's some Jedi stuff right there for you."

Zweite dt. Tele-Tube

02/26'10 Kim Yu-Nas Goldkür: Wie aus einem Guss – Olympic champion 2010 in Vancouver


03/04'10 Über Gott und die Welt – Soirée "Einsichten" in Frankfurt, Haus am Dom: Aldo Parmeggiani trifft als Redakteur bei Radio Vatikan immer wieder interessante Prominente aus Kirche, Politik und Kultur zum Interview.
Die im Sammelband Einsichten veröffentlichten Gespräche bringen zahlreiche überraschende und spannende Details ans Licht: Welche Rolle spielt der Glaube für Angela Merkel, was denkt Sandra Maischberger über den Papst und wie kommt Gundula Gause mit ihrem Terminkalender zurecht? Die Co-Moderatorin des "heute-journals" wird selbst aus den Zeugnissen prominenter Frauen und Männer lesen und uns zum Gespräch zur Verfügung stehen.
Gundula Gause im Einsatz für Missio und: "Gute Nachrichten zur Kirche sind schwierig!"

Diese Phalanx aus weiblicher TV-Prominenz stellt eine zuverlässige Firewall dar, einen äußerst effektiven Schutzschirm, hinter dem die tatsächlichen "9/11"-Kamikaze-Terror- und Überwachungsstaat-Implanteure und -Regisseure ungenannt und damit unsichtbar bleiben. Ein Abwehrriegel von vielen.
Die männliche Phalanx aus prominenten Desinformationsspezialisten ist in Deutschland sogar noch tiefer gestaffelt und erheblich raffinierter verschachtelt, wenn man z.B. nur mal an "Bonapartist" Scholl-Latour, Siewerth-Akademie-TV-Päda(dema)goge Knopp oder die ach so "kritische" Mühle der "NachDenkSeiten" denkt.
Bei Harald Schmidt drängt sich mir sogar der Eindruck auf, es fehlte nicht viel, und er würde am liebsten seine unverhohlene Bewunderung für diesen Coup verkünden, der so viele Fliegen mit einer Klappe schlägt.
Andere Papisten halten sich noch weniger zurück – besonders im Zusammenhang mit der öffentlichen Abschlachtung des "Verschwörungstheoretiker"-Präsidenten Kennedy im Herbst 63.


03/07'10 Missbraucht von Nonnen oder Die Kunst es nicht gewesen zu sein ...
Kloster Ettal, Regensburger Domspatzen – jeden Tag werden neue Missbrauchsfälle publik. Den sexuellen Missbrauch in kirchlichen Einrichtungen begehen, so scheint es, nur Männer. Doch auch Ordensfrauen sollen misshandelt haben. Margarete Böttcher war 16 Jahre lang im Heim der Hedwigschwestern, einem Nonnenorden in Berlin. Erst jetzt, im Zuge der aktuellen Erkenntnisse, wagt sie es, ihre Geschichte zu erzählen.
[...] "Das erste Mal fing es an, als Badetag war: Sonst hat sie immer einen Waschlappen gehabt und nachher nicht mehr." [...] Margarete war fünf, als sie von der Fürsorge wegen "Verwahrlosung" in ein katholisches Kinderheim eingewiesen wurde. Drei Jahre später, erzählt sie, fingen die Übergriffe einer Ordensfrau der Berliner Hedwigschwestern an. Erst beim wöchentlichen Badetag, dann auch im Schlafraum. [...] Jedes Mal, sagt Margarete, wurde sie tags darauf von der Schwester mit Schlägen auf den nackten Po bestraft – zur Einschüchterung, glaubt sie ("ausgeklügeltes System sadistischer Strafen verbunden mit sexueller Lust"). Keinem konnte sie sich wirklich anvertrauen, auch nicht dem Beichtvater. [...]

Sexuelle Übergriffe durch Ordensfrauen – keine Seltenheit, sagt Professor Manfred Kappeler, einer der führenden Experten für Heimerziehung. Sein Leben lang hat er zu dem Thema geforscht, mit vielen ehemaligen Heimkindern gesprochen. Auch über ihren Missbrauch durch Nonnen.
Kappeler) "Die sexuelle Gewalt, der sexuelle Missbrauch, der von Frauen ausgeübt wird, gerät da leicht aus dem Blick. Eigentlich war das immer bekannt und haben auch immer alle beteiligten Stellen das gewusst, es ist nur nicht öffentlich diskutiert worden." [...]
Scham- und Schuldgefühle sind bei den Opfern, die von Frauen missbraucht werden, besonders groß, sagt Kappeler. 50 Jahre hat es gedauert, bis Margarete jetzt in "ML Mona Lisa" zum ersten Mal öffentlich darüber spricht. Sogar ihrem Mann konnte sie sich erst nach 12 Jahren Ehe anvertrauen.
Ehemann) "Es war einfach erstmal unfassbar, und die Details kamen auch seitens von meiner Frau immer wieder mit Zusammenbrüchen herüber, obwohl wir uns ja nun zwischenzeitlich 24 Jahre kennen." [...]
Körperliche Berührungen sind für Margarete bis heute schwierig. Seit einem völligen Zusammenbruch arbeitet sie ihr Trauma mit therapeutischer Hilfe auf. [...]

Hubertus Groppe, 1952 unehelich geboren, kam schon als Säugling in ein Kinderheim des Ordens der Barmherzigen Schwestern vom hl. Vincenz (von Paul) in Paderborn.
Das, was ihm am Badetag immer wieder angetan wurde, verfolgte ihn ein Leben lang.
Groppe) "Bloß nicht hingucken an das Geschlechtsteil! Das war für mich eine ganz tiefe, böse Erinnerung. Wie man dahin geguckt hatte, das war für mich die Erinnerung, was mit mir gemacht worden ist."
Lange Jahre konnte Hubertus als Erwachsener Sexualität nicht zulassen. Folge der körperlichen und seelischen Misshandlungen, die offensichtlich auch in anderen Heimen zu dieser Zeit an der Tagesordnung waren.

"Mona Lisa" konfrontiert die Leitung der Hedwigschwestern mit Margarete Böttchers Aussagen. Daraufhin beginnen interne Ermittlungen des Ordens. Vor der Kamera wollen die Hedwigschwestern nichts sagen.
Am 5. März gab es dann eine Pressemitteilung. Darin teilt der Orden mit:

"Den Vorwurf hat die Ordensgemeinschaft mit großer Betroffenheit zur Kenntnis genommen und umgehend begonnen, den Sachverhalt aufzuklären."

Auch Hubertus Groppe will endlich Aufklärung. Schon seit den 80er Jahren bemüht er sich darum. Bisher vergeblich, sagt er. Auch hier fragt "Mona Lisa" nach. Auch hier will niemand vor die Kamera.
In einem Schreiben bedauert der Orden der Barmherzigen Schwestern zwar die Umstände, in denen die Kinder damals dort untergebracht waren, aber: "Herr Groppe wurde weder misshandelt, noch sexuell oder in anderer Weise missbraucht."
Auf ihrer Frühjahrsvollversammlung Ende Februar hatten sich die deutschen Bischöfe intensiv mit dem sexuellen Missbrauch durch Priester beschäftigt. Und die Ordensfrauen? Für sie sei es "fast ausschließlich" ein Männerphänomen, schreibt uns die Deutsche Bischofskonferenz: "Ein möglicher sexueller Missbrauch durch (Ordens-)Frauen ist daher bislang auch von den Bischöfen noch nicht in den Blick genommen worden. Sollte es diesen geben, müsste man sich auch damit befassen." Das scheint nun offenbar dringend nötig zu sein.


03/25'10 Neue Vorwürfe gegen den Vatikan: Lawrence Murphy soll bis zu 200 Jungen missbraucht haben

08/18'10 mundraub.org: "Freies Obst für freie Bürger"

Jesuiten-Fernsehen aus Mainz

Daily Colbert 2011

Daily Colbert lopo

03/02'11 "We know America still makes something that the world wants: we make weapons.
And the world cannot wait to get its fingers on our triggers."
No. 1 friend of Israel Pope Benedict XVI exonerates the Jews for Jesus' death

03/03'11 Mark Moffett's Pollinator Partnership

03/10'11 A weapon of mass introduction

04/06'11 Stiff Upper Lip – Ready For Royalty & To London!

ArGe-Heimat-TV 2010

ArGe-Tube

01/02'11 Das Abenteuer der Eisbärenkinder

12/21'10 Die Münchnerin Maischberger mit
Jesuitenzögling und Quasi-Jesuit Heiner Geißler ("Wir haben ein absolut perverses Wirtschaftssystem.") und
Jesuitenzögling und Quasi-Jesuit Matthias Matussek: "Die Kirche ist nicht für Missbrauchsfälle verantwortlich."

12/15'10 "Mit Medizin allein ist das jetzt nicht begründbar."

# technische und spirituelle Medizin – technical and spiritual science
12/09'10 Kein Schutz für Whistleblower in Dtl.
12/02'10 Lügen vom Dienst: der BND und der Irakkrieg

12/02'10 Dtl. das neue Billiglohnland)
Die Fleischindustrie in Dtl. erlebt echte Wirtschaftswunderzeiten. In ganz Europa werden Schlachthöfe dichtgemacht und in die Bundesrepublik verlagert. Nicht, weil die dt. Schlachter die besten oder schnellsten wären, nein, Deutschland lockt mit Rahmenbedingungen, mit denen der Rest Europas nicht mithalten kann: Kein Mindestlohn, keine Tarifbindung und nur wenig Kontrollen. Mit diesen "Vorzügen" ist Niedersachsen zum Zentrum der europäischen Fleischindustrie geworden.
Tausende Billigarbeiter aus Osteuropa schuften dort in Tiermästereien, Schlachthöfen und Zerlegebetrieben zu Löhnen von teilweise unter 5 Euro, bis zu 12 Stunden am Tag. Alleine Dänemark hat in den letzten Jahren 6000 Jobs nach Dtl. verlagert. Der größte Schweineexporteur der Welt, Danish Crown, gab letzte Woche bekannt, einen weiteren Schlachthof in Niedersachsen übernehmen zu wollen.
"Unsere über Jahrzehnte gewachsene Fleischindustrie bricht zusammen", klagen die dänischen Gewerkschaften, "weil Dtl. Löhne auf dem Niveau von Polen oder Ungarn zahlt." Auch in Frankreich, Belgien und den anderen Nachbarstaaten ist die Wut auf das dt. Lohndumping groß. 12/01'10 Profitiert Grotelüschen von Billiglöhnen?

10/26'10 Fair Trade Weltladen
10/20'10 "Frisch auf den Müll"
Klaus Werner-Lobo: "Uns gehört die Welt! Macht und Machenschaften der Multis"

09/29'10 Zapp) Machtkampf bei Wikileaks & Bild-Boykott einer Bäckerei
09/26'10 Spanische Gemüse-Guerilla bekommt erste Wildgärten legalisiert
09/22'10 Die Beliebtheit der zu Guttenbergs (Tamara, die Gräfinnen ...)
09/12'10 The Fox News Politicians: Hetzjagd auf Obama

08/31'10 Bischof Ackermann zu neuen Leitlinien)
Der Trierer Bischof Ackermann hat neue Leitlinien zum Umgang mit Opfern von sexuellem Missbrauch vorgestellt. Hintergrund sind zahlreiche Missbrauchsfälle in Einrichtungen der katholischen Kirche.
Über eine eingerichtete Hotline hatten sich rund 23.000 Betroffene gemeldet.

08/30'10 Birgitta-Wilmes.de) Kräuter in Hülle und Fülle – betörende Pflanzen
08/29'10 Raffgier und Vetternwirtschaft – Das System Haider

die story)
08/02'10 Die Welt des Josef Ackermann

Nobody fucks with the Jesus

Daily Colbert lopo

08/02'10 Stephen might be gay

08/03'10 "This writing is terrible." (Laura Ingraham, Joe Bidens favorite in TV punditry)
comments)
"Brilliant irony. Another great demolition job."
"Colbert is remarkable. His stiletto was so sharp, I do believe she never felt a thing.
Only when Ingraham saw her own blood pouring out she realized what was happening, but by then it was too late. Death came quickly, and it was a blessing for all."
"In addition to my amazement that he finally got a true wingnut to come on his show, I always am amazed that they agree to play along. I'm always half expecting one of his guests to turn to him and say, 'Oh cut the crap, Stephen. We know you're not a real conservative, but are just playing one to make fun of us.' You'd have to be an awfully bad sport to say something like that, but I've never seen a wingnut come off well on his show.
He's got a little Sacha Baron Cohen in him, the way he draws his guests into his ridiculous little world."
"Wow. I've never seen Colbert go for anyone's jugular like that! Of course, Ingraham deserved it."

08/04'10 TV priest Colbert: "Oh it's true, because I just said it. That's called leadership what I just did."


08/16'10 "And by 'God' we mean this guy!" (Jesus) "Not this guy." (photo not available)
"What about our 'guts-titution?' Or the 'Bill of Frights?'"
07/19'10 James R. Clapper:

"There's only one entity in the entire universe that has visibility on all (programs) – that's God."

07/19'10 CNN:

"The intelligence community is apparently larger, much larger. 1,271 government organizations comprise our intelligence community and 1,931 private companies are tied to it.
There are 854.000 people with top-secret security clearance."

12/27'10 The Nation:

"Secret America, Priest and Arkin wrote, has become 'so large, so unwieldy and so secretive' that it is not only unaccountable, it is practicably unknowable – even to the officials charged with administering it. The series elicited much praise from fellow journalists, but from the government there was – nothing. The Post's report generated not one Congressional hearing, subpoena or reform.
As far as we know, Secret America continues its work unchecked and unchastened."

And the notorious, absolutely ruthless, icecold Mr. Clarke: "Starting in 1985, Clarke served in the Reagan Administration as Deputy Assistant Secretary of State for Intelligence. During the Presidential administration of George H.W. Bush, as the Assistant Secretary of State for Political-Military Affairs, he coordinated diplomatic efforts to support the 1990-1991 Gulf War and the subsequent security arrangements. During the Clinton Administration, Clarke became the counter-terrorism coordinator for the National Security Council. [...]
He remained counter-terrorism coordinator during the first year of the George W. Bush Administration, and later was the Special Advisor to the President on cybersecurity and cyberterrorism." (Wikipedia)


08/17'10 Newsweek ranks The World's Best Countries – Fox News TV Show Star Sean Hannity:
"America is the single greatest nation that God ever gave man on this earth."
"We say it's the greatest country God gave men ... We live in the single greatest, best country God gave men"
"The single greatest, best, freest country God ever gave men."

08/19'10 "This is how you do it, even when you haven't done it."
Jon Krakauer explains how the Bush administration turned Pat Tillman's death into a propaganda tool.


08/24'10 Jeffrey Goldberg:

"When you have a theocracy, when you have a religious leadership, that they're seeking the afterlife, they think that the afterlife is gonna be better than this life ..."

Papist Colbert: "The wrong religious leadership seeking the wrong afterlife."


08/25'10 John McCain's Victorious Defeat & Heidi Cullen with their 1:4 global warming pyramid scheme

08/26'10 "Nobody fucks with the Jesus."


10/06'10 Rawsome Foods in Venice, CA, under attack by its government corporation: "The federal government says, your unpasteurized milk is a crime. [...] Could it be a government conspiracy? [...] Individuals are always stupid. [...] That puts the dumb in free-dumb."

10/14'10 Horny goats doing the landscaping job: "When unemployment gets very high, people look for scapegoats. They want to blame, or place major blame, on immigrants ..."
"This is for people who think the controversy about undocumented immigrants is all about economics.
The truth is, it's about scapegoating. Or landscape-goating ..."
"If they renege on their employment contract, they can be eaten after they're fired!"
"Owning goats made this segment a hundred times funnier for me, and as I'm sure it was hilarious to everyone else when I say that I mean I was literally rolling around on the floor, especially after Gino's John Goat comment.
If that dude loses his landscaping job he can always go into comedy."


11/02'10 "Welcome to where rumor undergoes a fact-change operation and becomes analysis."


12/09'10 "Before you accuse the sharks of any wrongdoing in these shark attacks, I think it's only fair to ask:
Could it be the Jews?"
comments)
"The 'Could it be the Jews?' line freaking cracked me up!" "Yeah, and he seemed genuinely excited by the idea of Shakespeare character superheroes hunting down their creator, and when he said 'I got your lead right here,' I was like, perfect! That really would be the greatest part for Stephen ever ... :-)"
"The whole shark thing was brilliant: 'Israel working with sharks? It just makes too much sense!'
The Steven Spielberg and Jaws/Jews jokes were perfect.
Seeing Daniel Ellsberg was great, as I'm always interested in people who help uncover conspiracies (goes back to when I watched 'All The President's Men' with my dad and he taught me about 'Watergate').
It was really interesting to hear someone who's been in a similar situation to Assange speak about it.
He seemed a really good sport, playing with the noose."

12/13'10 The Wall Street record pay of $ 144 billion in bonuses
Elizabeth Warren: "This just staggers me. I mean, I just don't have words to describe what this means."
"Fertility rights should be sold so that poor people could profit from their decision to not reproduce." Ted Turner


01/06'11 Papist Bear Bill O'Reilly's Catholic God als Herr der Gezeiten

01/12'11 Life, liberty and the pursuit of angriness
"I'm gonna let that one sink in. Scholars are gonna purge that thing for centuries."
Bernard-Henri Levy – "Sarah Palin is the inescapable black hole of political rhetoric."

01/13'11 "Now folks, I may be devout Catholic, but I am also a devout corporate whore."
"Why can't Jesus be a Dorito? After all, he did snackrifice himself for our sins!"
"Last night I was moved by Hitler. [...] Turns out Hitler is much more sensitive than I gave him credit for."

01/18'11 An instant classic:

Mika, you need to buck up. I know you think this story has no purpose other than keeping Sarah Palin's name in the headlines for another news cycle. I know you think she has nothing to offer to the national dialogue and that her speeches are just coded talking points mixed with words picked up at random from a thesaurus. I know you think Sarah Palin is at best a self-promoting ignoramus and at worst a shameless media troll who will abuse any platform to deliver dog-whistle encouragement to a far right base that may include possible insurrectionists. I know you think her reality show was pathetically unstatesmanlike, and at the same time I know you believe it also represents the pinnacle of her potential and that her transparent, transparent desperation to be a celebrity so completely eclipsed her interest in public service so long ago that there would be more journalistic integrity on reporting on one of the lesser Kardashian's ass implants. I know, I know that when you arrive at the office each day you say a silent prayer that maybe, just maybe Sarah Palin will at long last shut up for ten f@#king minutes. I know, because I can see it in your eyes.
Well guess what, Mika. That's the gig. And it's only January of 2011, kiddo.
And you have a minimum of two more years of this ahead of you.
You want to stay in this game? You dig deep. You find another gear. You show up to work every day, get your hair and makeup done, you slap on a smile, get out there on TV and repeat what Sarah Palin said on Hannity last night right into the lens. You know – news.

01/20'11 50th anniversary of John F. Kennedy's "Ask Not" inaugural address

01/25'11 An outbreak of civility ... to set the record straight:
"I wasn't saying those things, Mika's eyes were saying those things."
Amy Chua – Chinesischer Bildungsdrill (01/27'11)


02/03'11 Papist Bear Bill O'Reilly's next allmighty God argument "Take that gravity-huggers!"
Jane McGonigal: Reality is broken – Why games make us better and how they change the world
"You're a gamer, but you're also a girl. And a pretty one at that, with the big hair and everything.
If I turn off the switch, do you turn out to be a 15 year old boy in his underwear?" (no fact zone)

02/07'11 "It's like your lunch and two other people's lunches are having a three-way in your mouth." (no fact zone)


02/15'11 "Legally under age. Or, as they say in Italy, al dente."

"Clearly, the Muslim Brotherhood is going to seize power in Egypt and make it an enemy of America. Which is great news! We could go back to fighting a country instead of a shadowy network. I mean, Egypt has infrastructure – we could blow up a bridge again. A bridge! If we wanted to blow up a bridge in Afghanistan, we'd have to build it first!"

02/16'11 "51 percent! I am just so proud. I'm so proud to have been born in a country where unsubstantiated rumors about people you don't support become majority beliefs.
And you know what? I bed Obama wishes he was born here too."
The Colbuffington Re-Post: "Huffington Post" sold for $315 million dollars to AOL
"The Daily" offers "all of the convenience of using your i-pad to read the news online, but without the internet's annoying habit of being completely free.
And it is being praised by everybody in the media that is owned by Rupert Murdoch."

02/17'11 "If you were to click on the link to the Colbuffington Re-Post's re-re-post of the Huffington Post's post about the Re-Post, you will rip a hole in the blog time continuum."
Colbert to Jeffrey Leonard: "Sir, I am a river onto my people.
Gloves are off, motherfucker. Go on, let's hear your little theory."

02/21'11 "Folks, you know it's my job to keep you informed [...] And I told you, folks, this Egypt uprising would spread turmoil in the middle east. [...] But frankly, I thought freedom spreading throughout the Arab world would have a little more pizazz. I miss the emotional heights of Egypt. They had everything: huge crowds, pyramids, chance of a mummy attack. But since then ... Bahrain? Boring! Yemen? More like yawn-man. [...]
But folks, Libya is bringing the sexy back."
Eugene Jarecki on the "real" Ronald Reagan

02/22'11 Turmoil in the Middle West: "'Stewart/Colbert, we came to your rally. Now, come to ours!'
First of all, it's Stephen Colbert, I don't know who Stewart Colbert is. Get it right!"

02/24'11 "Anonymous attacks whoever attacks Wikileaks. [...] They ruined both his lives." Glenn Greenwald

02/28'11 Jesuit-trained CIA top agent and CBS media officer Michael Scheuer